A Battle Won

Posted by inoj at 05:43 PM on November 2, 2004.

Today, I woke up early to eat breakfast (i don't normally do) and help my mom do the next worst thing --- laundry. (itsahmiracle!)

As I sat on that tiny stool in the laundry area, i can't help but feel conscious as my mom, tita and the helper looked over my shoulder, with traces of snicker in their faces, watching me as I pressed for a pathetic attempt to do all my laundry from the last two weeks. I loaded them, operated the washing machine, unloaded them and lightly washed them again. Finally, i was excited to do the rinsing process. And after i did a one-round on all of 'em, i groaned inwardly when i realized i have to do it again, not only once, but twice. Argh. I wanted to ask my mom if i could be excused so i could watch TV. I knew she wouldn't mind, but i decided to stay, replaying mentally what my 3rd Grade Teacher used to tell us, "Perseverance means finishing what you've started." And so, I did. After everything -- even hanging them all on the clothesline -- i told myself triumphantly, "Hey, that was fun!" nyehehe!

thoughts i had while doing the laundry:
(1) hey! i have 4 unclean IVCF shirts!
(2) Labanderas around the world should be awarded nobel prizes..
(3) I adore the one who came up with fabric softeners!
(4) Eh? My clothes can't be this dirty, can it?
(5) Uhh.. do we have to rinse these again? Nobody will notice anyway.

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LCDC, friends, atbp.

Posted by inoj at 03:54 PM on November 3, 2004.

They call it "LCDC hangover" -- not "fever", because that only pertains to a Kawayan Camp experience. But, whatever it's called, i think i caught a wisp of it. The after effect: i often find myself thinking back on the camp held in Lemery, Batangas two weeks ago. I stayed there for a week long with friends and newly-met friends for the Leadership-Discipleship Camp 2004.

That experience for me was an excursion, rather than a camp. I remember joking while we were on our way to pre-camp that i'm headed for an excursion, and not some serious, Christian camp. They laughed, but deep inside, i meant what i said. The type of excursion that we know of is usually just going on a nature trip with a bunch of friends/family, laughing, joking, eating, purely having fun. However, the excursion i went to was a little different --- it was all that, plus the presence of my God. On one side, one would look at it as a job (i served as assistant secretary), but more than that, it was an honor for me to be doing Him service. I almost forgot how fun and fulfilling it was to be serving the Lord along with other Christians.

Along the way, He met with me --- to be honest, i didn't expect Him to, but He did.

He also met with me through people I was with.. friends that i sat and talked with, sang with, joked with, and shared tears with. The time i spent with these friends refreshed my down soul. And right now, I have no clue as to when I'll be able to spend time with them again, but I will always keep them close to my heart..

Growing up, i wasn't really used to the idea that people part ways. My family was pretty intact; i was blessed with the best barkada both at school and at church; i never transferred school (except in college na), so i wasn't really familiar with the feeling that dawns when people part. It never occured to me how that word will teach me one of the biggest lessons in life until God called me to attend a one-month camp in Cebu last April 2003. Everyone knew beforehand that after that one month event we will have to part ways, but no one knew (except probably the counselors) how painful it was gonna be. And it really was. It's not that i haven't gotten over that (believe me, i have) but the point is, from then on, i've undergone a few "letting go" scenarios that really tore my heart more than words can describe (hindi nga ba hassle lamang ang IVCF sa buhay ko? )

And now, once again, i am about to say goodbye to people that have become close to my heart for the last 5 months (unless the Lord changes the plan..). I know it will be equally as hard as when i left home months ago. But i really have no say in this. Sometimes, i am annoyed at myself.. Why do i keep making memories with people when afterwards i would have to say goodbye? Why am i making things so hard on myself? and for them?

But maybe, just maybe, God is teaching me something valuable through these situations.. That sometimes we just have to learn to let go.. that people come and go.. that nothing lasts forever.. that the only permanent thing on this earth is change itself. Oh well, i guess, in a way, it's therapeutic. Maybe, after a while, i'd get used to it, so I'll be prepared for a much painful "letting go".. so it won't be that painful anymore. (or if one day the Lord calls me to Missions.. then He won't have a hard time convincing me to leave -- haha! )

am i getting ahead of myself? hehe.

but don't get me wrong (kuya cres!) i am trying not to look at it negatively. At one angle, i am glad to see that I am the type of person that treasures people, and moments. And i am able to recognize how blessed i am that i have friends who did not only come across my heart, but left their marks there as well.

Memories i won't soon forget:
(1) buong LCDC week with co-counselors and campers (who i hardly know)
(2) hammock moments with KCmates, etc.
(3) sunset sa batangas
(4) walking sa seashore
(5) iyakan, sumbungan, and sharings na Christian-Christian
(6) moments with a visitor from Mindoro
(7) puyatan with the rest of the counselors
(8) strawberry float ksama ang mga adik
(9) kantahan, tugtugan, at sayawan
(10) sleeping time with the exec!
(11) bonding moments sa mga KCmates na hindi ko ka-close nung KC.
(12) KC2k4 -- yey, the best talaga kayo!
(13) tagaytay experience / restaurant conflict
(14) tawanan sa loob ng van pauwi ng Manila (combined comedic forces ng 2k2, 2k3, at 2k4)
(15) blooper sa taxi ksma ang isa pang bangag
(16) VCD at food trippin' sa anislag
(17) malling at group-picture with the mall rats (and a turtle!)
(18) kapalan ng mukha sa pag-videoke sa arcade (yikes, secret ba 'to?)
(19) walang katapusang kwentuhan about LCM
(20) at mga goodbye's na may halong pagpatak ng luha..

hay. ang buhay nga naman. kung minsan malungkot. but if you really look at it, masaya naman.
thank you, Lord, for friends!

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The Art of Letting Go

Posted by inoj at 04:45 PM on November 3, 2004.

para kay Tarits. paki copy-paste na lng.

The Art Of Letting Go

Put away the pictures.
Put away the memories.
I put over and over
Through my tears
I've held them till I'm blind
They kept my hopes alive
As if somehow that I'd keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more?
How do you leave it in a drawer?

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye.
But each time it catches in my throat
Your still here in me
And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more
Wish I could open up that door

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go

Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it through
the pain of one more day
Without you

Where do I start, to live my life alone?
I guess I'm learning, only learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

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IVCF LaSalle Chapter and WVRU

Posted by inoj at 06:56 PM on November 23, 2004.

I just attended the Large Group Meeting of the IVCF USLS Chapter this afternoon. Except for a few familiar faces, I was with strangers. New members who just recently attended the LCDC 2k4 (WVRU). Their stories were mostly about the Camp.. running jokes that I wasn't a part of, so i just nodded and laughed along with them even though i had no idea what they were talking about. hehe. And also, there were occasional "You should've been at our camp" stuff that they kept throwing at me.. in other words, i felt left out somehow. But i guess, that's expected already.

On the other side of things, i really missed the West-V peeps. And i was glad to be able to see them and be with them again. And how they welcomed me proves how much they missed me too.

By the way, i'm glad to witness that the LaSalle chapter (which is supposed to be Light and Salt Christian Fellowship) is doing well. Our fellowship is not like the others who are rooted and established. Strangely, ours is still pioneering until now. When we tried to revive the chapter last year, there were only four of us. We didn't have "predecessors" and leaders per se, so we had to spearhead each fellowship as if we knew what we were doing. But by the grace of God, we were able to sustain and encourage a few members to commit. They attended the LCDC last year, and two of them are part of the KC2k4, and now, they are the ones taking charge of the fellowship. I just pray that the Lord will bless them and use LSCF to help the members mature and for them reach out to more students in the University of St. La Salle.

Next week, it'll be Iloilo's IVCF Day.. and if i could just save enough money (say 300?), i can go there and attend the big event. Yey! exciting! This means i can get to see more West-V peepz.. KCmates, and old LCDCmates.

This is one of the things that makes IVCF a big advantage. Wherever you go, you are guaranteed to have friends. People, who even though you haven't seen for the longest time, would give you the tightest hug and warmest smile, like you never really grew apart over the years. It's the kind of friendship that God blesses and nurtures.

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WWJD?

Posted by inoj at 08:10 PM on November 26, 2004.

Ever seen this set of letters before?
At one point in my Christian Walk --- which was about seven years ago, i was taught in church what this acronym stand for. But back then it's significance didn't really sink in. I remember feeling cool that i knew about it while other people don't. and i remember feeling proud to be wearing those multi-colored bracelets bearing the letters WWJD on it wherever i went..

but i was young then. those kinds of things aren't really taken seriously by a thirteen-year-old.

however, these past few weeks i've been recalling the fundamentals of such acronym and trying to put it into practice. although, it's more often than not that i forget to do so. but in situations wherein i do remember, i try to ask the question to myself.. What Would Jesus Do?


if He were in my place wherein i am in the verge of snapping at my parents, what would He do?

if He were in my place wherein my patience is tested.. there's a group of people walking in the street, causing me to drive really slow, what would He do?

if He were in my place wherein i am faced with the crossroad of saying something that might hurt another person's feelings or just let it pass, what would He do?


These situations are not easy. It's not always that i'm doing what I thought He would be doing. Most of the time, i fail in my own testings. Like they say, tao lang po.. so I'm not excused from yielding to my own human shortcomings and vulnerabilities. I snap at my parents; I honk rudely at a group of people in the street, walking as if they're dragging a big load behind them and oblivious to any moving vehicle; I hurt some person's feelings with words i couldn't control at that moment i released them.. i fail most of the time.

then afterwards, i feel really terrible.

But i know that being able to realize this is healthy. I'll try to pass these tests one at a time. My God is not finished working on me yet, and He did promise to finish the work He has begun in me. i just hope and pray that He will help me to be teachable and humble to obey everything that He wants me to do.

Everyday Christian Walk is simply like that.. that each time we are faced with circumstances, we would remember to ask the question, What Would Jesus Do? and be bold and strong to do what you know in your heart your Jesus would do. i hope we don't need to wear a bracelet so we would be reminded of that. c",)

WWJD. It stands for another thing. Walking With Jesus Daily. So as a challenge to all of you out there, are we able to apply WWJD to our lives?

hehe, just a thought.

pastoral ba ito? )..

7 reacted

always something there to remind me

Posted by inoj at 04:07 AM on November 29, 2004.

Wicker Park. For a love story, this movie is one heckuva suspense-thriller. My friend and I went for the LFS last night. Our other friends chose to watch The Incredibles while we opted to see a Josh Hartnett flick (who, i have to say, i adored in Pearl Harbor. hehe.). We were totally clueless of the plot since we haven't seen the trailer before and we were surprised to discover that we were actually holding our breaths all throughout the movie. The antagonist -- hah, i've never felt this much hatred for anyone in my entire life -- i wanted to scratch off her face from the big screen with my claws (haha. exag.). The movie is like an American semi-version of Jologs. hehe. But all in all, the movie's highly recommendable. Go see it if you want to feel thrilled, agigated, annoyed, mad (with clenched fists), tensed, in love, and good for two hours.. and have additional lingering thoughts and mixed feelings after that.

Yesterday morning, a friend texted to tell me that she had read from her journal entry dated Nov 28 one year ago, on how she prayed for me as i was gonna be the emcee at the IV Day (Nov 29, 03) the next day. I was still lying in bed when suddenly all these memories came flashing back. Exactly one year ago, i was in, by far, the lowest point of my life. It was the one time when i felt the most vulnerable, hurt, betrayed, and.. depressed. This time last year i was talking to two friends and i found out something terrible about something important in my life that i wasn't aware of for a whole month. It had been a very torturous month but when i finally found out why, all the pieces in the puzzle were put into place. Realizing the whole picture was the most painful thing. I wasn't able to eat that day last year. I only slept for 2 hours and I had to sleep on the floor coz i was thinking if i woke up later and i am suddenly lying on my bed, then the whole thing was just a bad dream. But i didn't. I woke up still on the floor. My eyes were sore and my head hurt from bawling the whole night. As a result, i wasn't able to host the said event. (Unless, it was okay for them if their emcee's wearing shades until it was dark and her voice is all shaky and her lips all trembly. Hehe. i didn't think they would have wanted that. And i don't think i had the strength to do it.) All throughout the affair, I was alone sitting in a table far from the whole group with people coming up at me from time to time asking how i was. I showed them forced smiles and told them I was gonna be okay. But i wasn't; not for another two weeks after that.

Sigh.

A reminder of my past hurts. It's funny how i feel it's only yesterday that it happened when in fact it was 365 days ago.

Time does fly. But one thing about time is also true. Time does heal.

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