a prayer.
Posted by inoj at 03:45 PM on March 1, 2005.
"Someone once said there are two kinds of people in the world. Those who say "Thy will be done" and those to whom God says, "Okay, go ahead, have it your way." Help me, Father, to live more and more like the former and less and less like the latter.
"But I have lived so much like the latter. So much of my life has been just that --- my life. My needs. My desires. My plans. My hopes. My dreams. My career. My ministry. My time-off. I confess that my will has been the driving influence in so many of my thoughts, my actions, my conversations. Even when I pray, "my" has been on my lips so much more than "Thy." So often I come for You to bless my plans.. instead of for me to bow to Yours.
"Lord, how casually I use that word. I call You "Lord" in my prayers. I refer to You as 'Lord' in my conversations.. Are You? Are You Lord of my life? If You are, I am the servant. Yet so often it is I who am telling You what to do instead of You telling me.
"Please Lord, take the selfishly possessive pronoun out of my life and make it Yours. Your life. Your plans. Your dreams. Your will be done on earth. Not mine. "
taking risks.
Posted by inoj at 02:13 PM on March 9, 2005.
I am not a brave person. Call me coward but i am often chickened out when I'm confronted with anything bigger than I am. In fact, one of my fears is having to face a huge change, other than what I have gotten used to. If you know me well, you'll agree that it's very rare for me to be strong and throw myself in a raging storm (metaphorically speaking, of course). It's exactly the reason why in most aspects of my life, I stay the same.
Sometimes I'd get sick and tired of the same old, same old. But when changes do take place I get awfully scared. Some people even judge me for dodging circumstances and chances that are sure to change my life regardless of their entailed consequences. I guess I'm not just plain scared.. it's also that, I am not one to recognize these circumstances which are on the verge of being labeled as "risks", and then push them over the edge. Like I always say, the less complications the better. And the less inconvenience I bring to people, the happier eveyone is.
I recognize 'risk' through its symptoms, and I often carelessly use preventive measures to put a stop to it before it ripens. However, I know that one day, when God tells me to go on and take that risk, I am gonna hear Him say it. When that happens, there will be no room for fear, because I know that at the end of the risk-rope, He is there.
"no matter how painful the process of crafting His character in my life, no matter how loudly I object to Your workmanship, or how often, keep working, Lord, keep working.."
when He speaks, i am silenced.
Posted by inoj at 05:18 PM on March 17, 2005.
Last week, right in the middle of my major dramatic life transition, an unexpected thing happened. Someone, who i came to trust (because i'm just so damn nice!) stole from me but wouldn't admit it. Well, I could be wrong with my suspicion.. but I don't think I am. I swear i never misplaced that thing, and i'm 99.9% sure that person took it.
The last few days had been hell, for that item stolen is of great importance and value. I've been struggling to forgive even though it's not asked of me, to forgive myself for being so naïve even though it's not actually my fault, and to deal with my anger. I've been asking the Lord why this has happened.. why i have been constantly a victim of the cruelty of mankind (exag!).. why He has allowed the sin of others to affect me and bring me undeserved nuisance.. why of all times and all things, it was stolen at this crucial time in my life. I so badly needed it and what makes this worse is, it wasn't mine, and yet I lost it. And now, i have to find a way to compensate for it. How more upset can i get?
In line with what happened, an old friend texted me to ask for my help in praying for that something important she needs to do. I told her, "Sure, I'll pray for you. That is, if my prayers are actually heard.." I was rebuked for saying that. And more importantly, His Word comes to the rescue again. I don't know how He does it. That every time my unbelief starts to kick in, He finds a way to speak.. just in time i begin to feel ignored.
Peter said, "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." *
What happened is not something strange. I am living in this earth, what did I expect? That every person I meet is nice just because he/she seems nice? That I actually expect fairness? That nothing's supposed to go wrong because I am God's child?
Then it's a foolish expection.
"At all times, but especially in times of suffering, help me to fix my eyes on You, Lord Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the glory set before You endured the cross. Help me to consider You who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that I will not grow weary and lose heart when it comes my turn to carry a cross.."
So how is it to forgive someone who's not asking for it and to reluctantly choose to just extend grace out of obedience to Him?
It's a battle. But because I am His, I'm always on the winning side, ain't I? 
*1 Pet 4:12-13 (NIV)
the heat is on.
Posted by inoj at 06:16 PM on March 30, 2005.
It's a hot summer afternoon and i'm in no mood to blog. So here's some distorted poetry a lurking friend sent me for you to read.
(*whispers* Lord, send us rain please..)
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air, it was blown away.
then I wrote your name on my heart
and i got Heart Attack
(Read More)
Note: Thank you,
Anna Grace!
kabalo ka na kung parti sa ano.. hehe. minango naman ko eh no? CONGRATULATIONS! magna cum laude!! grabeh!! you're the best
gid ya!!!
i'm so proud of you!
