hangover.

Posted by inoj at 11:07 AM on January 2, 2006 in daily rants.

I'm back from my Christmas vacation. Back to work. Back to reality. Haaay. I think I'm gonna be sick.

I just had one of the most dramatic time last night before I went to bed. I kept thinking about a lot of things, and then later cried myself to sleep just so I could put a stop to the mind torture I was giving myself. I went through another painful transition, thinking about the people back home (which will be months and months before I'll get to see again), thinking about the comfort i'm gonna miss, and re-thinking if this whole independence thing that I'm trying to live out was really just a stupid idea.

Fortunately, I woke up this morning a little less sadder than I was last night.

I know I probably shouldn't even say this in my blog since my bosses are probably lurking here and there again (hello to them who said hey in my tagboard! hehe!) and will probably get to read this but, I've gotta say it and I hope they will find it in their hearts to understand... "I am, honestly, not yet in the mood to work!". Waah.

Not in the mood. But I am working on my assigned tasks. Just sparing a few minutes to finish this very short blog entry. Heehee. Sabay bawi.

So that's that. I'm so not in the mood to face reality yet. I hope to get over it soon. Tomorrow. Hopefully. Hehe.

happy new year to one and all! may 2006 be a kind year to all of us.




PS: Oh yeah, I'm gonna have to create a new layout for this site soon before it'll be long overdue. Again. Bear with me for a while. Hihi.

12 reacted

pikon-mode

Posted by inoj at 12:18 PM on January 6, 2006 in melodrama.

I hate it when people think they know me better than they actually do. The way they judge and think they can just say things to me that I, otherwise, would never say to them. It's not like we're "close friends" or anything like that. Don't I know you for only, what, few months? It's not like I'm intruding your private space too you know. And it's not like your life is so perfect that you can just look down on everyone around you. Do you see me meddling when I'm not asked to? Do you catch me asking you personal questions and doubting if the answers were indeed true? No. Because I don't care what the answers are. Because I don't voluntarily pry on other people's lives like paparazzi chasing after celebrities and then pass on the "information" to other people (er, I almost don't).

And do you see this line around me? You have to step back a little, pal, you're coming on a little too strong.


CONCLUSION
New Year's Resolution #1: Keep mouth shut at most times. Gossiping is a heinous habit.


PS: exag lng 'to. But I am serious about the resolution. I mean I am gonna try to quit gossiping. After all, I'm still only human, with ears that hear and a mouth that gabs.

20 reacted

Cool and Comfy.

Posted by inoj at 03:39 PM on January 11, 2006 in daily rants.

I love the month of January. It's when the cool breeze come to visit and makes us snug more comfortably in our beds every night. Probably the reason why I'm having a double hard time getting up in the morning these days, thus acquiring more and more tardies at work. Hehe. This year, experts say that we're experiencing an extraordinary cold weather, which will last until February. I wish it were like this every day of the year. Then we won't have to experience the cruel hot rays of the sun anymore, and we won't have to get annoyed when sweatdrops begin to form on our foreheads when we've only showered 5 minutes ago. And we won't have to turn our fans/airconditioners to full notch just so our bodies are cooled when we're asleep. And I don't even mind shivering in the shower every morning before going to work.

One thing I hate about this month though is, it is when I turn a year older. Like I said last year, it's exciting to anticipate the coming of birthdays and discover the uniqueness of this year, but it's never exciting when you realize you're actually just turning a year older (or at least, this is how it is for me). Oh well, I'm still happy to accept presents though. Heehee!

And I do have a birthday wish. I wish that this year will be nothing like last year. That was, by far, the loneliest birthday I've had for all my life. That's all. Simpleng wish lang.

18 reacted

Hopeless Cause

Posted by inoj at 04:10 PM on January 17, 2006 in melodrama, neither here nor there.

I'm starting to feel weird about myself lately. It's beginning to become like a cycle already, or something. There are things that I need to think/worry/pray about right now. And whenever I get to think about the (new and big) problems my family and friends are currently in, I feel really, really bad. I always feel that there's something I need to do for them. And when I cannot give more than I can anymore, I feel the need to punish myself for being so powerless and helpless. All these what-if's and if-only's start to creep into my mind... and if that's not enough, they slowly creep into my heart as well.

Then, when I get the idea I've punished myself enough (when I've stared too long at nothingness, with a pounding head and bloodshot eyes), I then try to clear my head and my heart of the bad condition I'm giving them. I tell myself that there's nothing to be sad about. That's it's going to be all right. That I should just get on with my day worry-free like I'm supposed to, because there are things that I need to do, like work.

Hours would pass without me thinking about those problems. Suddenly, I would realize that I'm having too much fun. That I'm smiling and laughing more. That I'm spending most of my time on things that are making me happy and forget.

Then, not long after that, I would hear myself yell at me saying, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING??! THIS IS NOT WONDERLAND! THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS THAT YOU NEED TO THINK ABOUT!"

Then, I find myself back to square one again. This time, I'm not just feeling sad, but guilty as well. What a combination.

Hmm. I wonder how long this will go on.

24 reacted

Anything Goes II

Posted by inoj at 04:45 PM on January 22, 2006 in melodrama, daily rants.

+ Test of Faith +
I'm finally able to talk to my mom over the phone for several times now. She was brought to the hospital last Sunday after being found lying unconscious on our kitchen floor with her head bleeding profusely. She says she's getting better na, and that she's gonna see the doctor again to find out the exact diagnosis. Strange thing is, when I get to talk to my dad and my brother about it, they get me really nervous with their conclusions. But when I talk to my mom, she tells me that everything's all right and that Papa and Jem are actually just overreacting. As a nurse and clearly the more logical one, I want to trust my mom's judgment. It just makes me feel bad that I'm so far away from home where I couldn't be beside her to take care of her. So all I'm able to do is utter prayers for my mom, and for my dad who's not actually physically fit himself anymore. May God strengthen them both.

+ Greatest Fear +
It's one of my greatest fears... to find out that one of my family members was rushed to the hospital in emergency. I can't even begin to describe the feeling I felt then when my brother called me up to tell me about my mom. Breaking down is an understatement. Hmm. I wonder which is worse? The fear of that, or the fear of the fear actually being realized? Hehe. Are you with me?

+ A small world after all +
I'm still amazed at a wonderful blog testimony and a very freakish coincidence concerning her and the parents of one of my best friends back home. To read the whole story, go here. It's a very nice and touching story indeed.

+ History in the Making: Pacman Craze +
I'm currently feeling very patriotic. I was able to watch the whole fight between Pacquiao and Morales on TV. I was very intrigued as to how it will turn out despite having no one to watch it with. After two rounds, and after Morales' deadly punches landed on Pacquiao's face for several times, I started to feel a bit edgy from where I'm seated. I decided to quit watching because I felt that, if ever, I won't be able to accept the defeat on behalf of the Filipino people (haha! I'm very pessismistic). But just before I turned off the TV, I received a txt msg from my dad saying: "FW: Pacquiao wins! Round 10. Knock out c morales." That was enough to keep me believing. I sat down and waited for Round 10. True enough, the Mexican guy was beaten down twice, which I later learned was how a TKO's called (I am ignorant with the rules in boxing, mind you). Our neighbors next door were shouting and jumping, and I couldn't help smiling. Yey, Manny did it! Haha! Feeling close!! And I didn't even mind receiving the spoiler text from my dad. Heehee. I just wish then I was back home watching it with him and my mom rather than watching it alone.

+ Job on the side +
Attention, peeps, I'm in dire need of something to do other than my current job. If anyone knows a raket I can do or be part of to earn a little on the side, please inform me. Preferably, something that I can actually do and doesn't involve sales. I am so not good at the selling and convincing thing. Hehe. Besides, I really need something to distract me from the bad thoughts and feelings that are haunting me nowadays.

+ So there +
It feels good to rant. Even if it's on senseless things sometimes. Hehe. Stay happy, everyone, and don't forget to show your loved ones that you love them not "because of" but "despite of". It's important that we stay intact and not let the little things and mistakes change how these people mean to us. Let's try to love as God does, unconditionally. Now why am I saying this? Just a thought, I guess.

20 reacted

Almost Unbroken Streak

Posted by inoj at 02:02 PM on January 27, 2006 in neither here nor there.

This is it. One more day and I will be successfully completing a week of no-absence-no-tardy streak. This is new for me since I've never achieved this yet throughout my stay here in this company. Haha. Pathetic.   Some of you might say that I'm just overreacting, but you should know, I'm one of the most unpunctual people you'll ever meet. So leave me be as I call this some sort of an achievement. 

Can't say it is easy though. At some point it is arduous. There are times that I have to jog from our apartment to where I'm supposed to ride a jeepney, then walk briskly from Jollibee in Acacia Lane to where I'm supposed to ride an FX, and from there, I hope against all odds that every traffic light I pass by is green and that the driver is aware that his vehicle can go faster. (Lest he doesn't know how to step on his gas pedal harder. ) Then from the point where I get off, I run toward our office building (simultaneously rummaging through my bag for my badge), and then, at that moment, I say a wish under my breath that when I get to the lobby I'm just in time to alight an elevator that is not going to stop at every damn floor on the upper rise.

It's more than physically arduous really. It's mind-boggling!  Hehehe!

One more day and I'll be passing this test of discipline I've put myself into. Oh yeah. I'm supposed to work tomorrow (which is a Saturday). Don't even get me started on how I despise that company policy.  

In case they're lurking again -- *Peace* sa mga boss ko! Hehe! Try ko po pumasok bukas. Hahaha! 

PS: To my good friend, MELISSA, who I miss and who doesn't seem to have plans in going back home -- zhu ni sheng ri kuai le! Hahaha! All those mandarin lessons paid off! Tnx sa translation!
Happy Birthday! 

{EDIT}  01.28.06- I'm here at work, and I wasn't late! Yahooo!! Now, you guys can congratulate me! Nyehehe!  {/EDIT}

30 reacted